Sorry, I have spent
The morning writing haikus
About some records

–

Vitalic, OK Cowboy

Do you like cocaine?
Tonight, let’s fuck and crash cars
Even shy kids relate

–

Antony and the Johnsons, I am a Bird Now

Model man-child for
earnest, tender-hearted naifs
Fetch me my kerchief

–

Half Man Half Biscuit, Auchtung Bono

Is the gap between
England and America
Only an ocean?

–

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.
Wait, that’s the name of the band?
Ohhhh, this will be fun.

–

Kanye West, Late Registration

Only once a year
To be socially conscious
Let’s make this count, guys

–

Kate Bush, Aerial

A bit new age, yeah
Still gives me an erection
Some loves never die

–

Robyn, Robyn

Because Girls Aloud
Are so last year and Annie
Was only half-good

–

Devendra Banhart, Cripple Crow

If this is a voice
Of our lost generation
We are fucked, people

–

Slim Thug, Already Platinum

He rhymes “boss” with “house”!
Have you ever drank codeine?
Very nice, really

–

Wolf Parade, Apologies to the Queen Mary

There are not enough
Syllables here to express
My distaste for this

or

“Indie” can be spelled
Two ways; there is only one
Spelling for “boring”

–

New Pornographers, Twin Cinema

At least they’re better
Than the Decemberists, damn.
No, really, that’s all.

–

Decemberists, Whatever Album the Decemberists Released this Year

Come on guys, wake up
Loosen your goddamn corsets
Get drunk or something